Tim: Settle Down Easy Brewery/ El Tio

 When Andrew and I decided to do our version of The Trip, but limited to restaurants within a 5 mile radius of our houses, Settle Down Easy Brewery was an obvious first choice. I moved to Falls Church in 2019, 4 minutes from this brewery, and I only realized it existed when Andrew mentioned visiting it on a house hunting trip in the area. He has since moved to Fairfax, a couple minutes down 50 from me. 

I first tasted some of the offerings from Settle Down when Andrew visited me after such a house hunting trip. He brought me a growler from a brewery nearby that he said perfectly aligned with my All-American values, noting that FoxNews was on every screen in the brewery. This of course piqued my interest. The beer was forgettable, but I was still intrigued by a brewery so close by but so unseen. 

To preface our actual inaugural outing, both Andrew and I are lucky enough to be fully vaccinated. However, I still wanted to ease in to things with an outdoor setting. In terms of COVID safety, Settle Down scored relatively okay for me. People inside that weren't at tables were masked, although one of the bartenders had his nostrils just fully out there for the world to admire. Seating outside was spaced adequately, although not far enough away to save me from having to hear other people's conversations. On to the actual review:

Settle Down is a hole in the wall brewery in all sense of the phrase, nestled back in the ass crack of a shopping center off of Route 29. The outside seating consists of a handful of picnics tables and a haphazardly thrown together tent and seasonally inaccurate decorations on top of parking spaces.  

70 Degrees - March 2021

The inside looks like the Getty Images google image result for "brewery". Not a knock by any means, but nothing necessarily to wet this boy's trousers.  

I started out with a Gose, as I am sour boi through and through. A tart, tasty treat. 4/5. No complaints. 

Settle Down does not serve their own food, but rather partners with nearby Mexican restaurant El Tio. There is a stand in the brewery where one can order a limited selection, mostly tacos and nachos from what I could tell. I ordered three tex mex shredded tacos. The sign says to ask about their habanero sauce. So I did. The response was a nod and wink. Although confused, I took this as a good sign, and strutted confidently to the bar to order another beer. This time I went with a Kolsch per Andrew's suggestion to go "light with tacos". This beer tasted like I imagine licking the page of the dictionary that has the entry for "beer" tastes. 3/5.

The tacos arrived quickly and were filled to the brim. The habanero sauce was on the side. 


Each taco had two tortillas which proved integral to maintaining its shape as they were stuffed to the brim. Solid construction despite the absolute opposite state of my bowels this was inevitably leading toward. Habanero sauce was the key aspect that set these bad boys apart. So much so that Andrew embarrassed himself by asking for some after the fact like an amateur. 
 

Overall, I'd say the food was good, and a nice to have as the brewery does not make its own, but nothing special. Andrew scolded me for getting three of the same tacos, which is fair, I was just really nervous ordering at a new place. This childish fear is something I must quickly overcome if this blog is to become the soaring success I know it can be.

I did not notice the traditional Conservative values that Andrew had emphasized, but we did observe a patron enter wearing a real neat knife on his waist. So that was pretty cool and badass.

Settle Down is a fine brewery. The main attraction in my opinion is the fact that it could be mistaken for a dumpster in an alley. Compared to nearby Caboose Commons which is constantly poppin, this is a good spot if you want to avoid crowds and still enjoy okay beer and pretty good tacos. 
 

Scores:

Atmosphere - 2/5

Food (El Tio) - 3/5

Drinks - Average 3/5

Service - 5/5

Price - 4/5

Bathrooms - N/A (Peed at home because its so close, so 5/5 I guess)

Overall - 2.5/5  



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